Beldames’ Saloon

“When you live the life you were meant to live, doing the work you were meant to do, enjoying what pleases you, instead of collecting meaningless lifestyles trophies, you will be full of joy and energy. ”
Thomas Leonard, Coach University

Life or Lifestyle?

What is a lifestyle and how is that different from a life? A lifestyle is about brand names and buying identity or prestige. Lifestyle gives a false sense of peace and acceptability that comes from others recognizing what you’ve bought into (as well as bought). If your car, clothes, and home are expensive, you’re sophisticated and stylish. If you have the right kind of job or go to the right social gatherings, then you receive the superficial approval of others. This means that your self-esteem is always at the mercy of others, with no appreciation of you as an individual.

A life, on the other hand, is very different. A life is what you lead when you know what matters most to you. It is very simple and comes from being connected to what you know is important and being willing to put that first, not matter what others may think. When you create a life vs. a lifestyle, your self-esteem comes from what’s inside you, not what others think about you.

How many times have you seen someone (this used to be me!) work long hours in a job that they do not enjoy just to be able to maintain an expensive lifestyle? There was a recent commercial on TV that showed a man laughing in his yard saying: “I drive an expensive car, have a 5 bedroom home, a country club membership, a swimming pool and I’m in debt up to my eyeballs!” Every time I see this commercial I think about the book - The Millionaire Next Door. The book says that most of the people living in the largest homes are exactly like the man in the commercial and that the real millionaires are the ones you would never guess, because their focus is on creating a life vs. a lifestyle.

Lifestyle is expensive monetarily and personally, because it costs a great deal to keep up appearances and do what you think is socially acceptable. A Life is not expensive. Rather than draining personal or financial resources, a life generates energy and staying power. If we focus on what we wear, or what kind of car we drive, or where we live, then we are saying that how others see us is more important than what we think of ourselves. If we find out what our true beliefs and values are and choose to live by these, then the opinions of others don’t drive our lives. This is not an issue of avoiding luxury for its own sake; it’s about liberating yourself from the mindless consumption that society dictates. It is about making the choices that are in line with your values, instead of draining your bank account or energy for no heart-driven reason.

How can you make the change? Understand the difference between a Life (being directed from within) and a Lifestyle (being directed from outside). Analyze your current lifestyle to see what it is costing you in money, time, stress, and energy to maintain it. Let go and make room for what is really important to you, what sustains you and brings you joy. Remember that who you are comes from within, not what you own!

Copyright May 2004 by Vicki Miller

As a Life Transition Coach I work with clients to identify what’s most important to them and prioritize around these values. I help my clients identify and remove obstacles in the way and bring clarity and focus to their dreams. What is your dream? Are you undergoing a major transition and not clear where to turn? Call (972-306-4489) or email me, (coach.v.miller@verizon.net), to set up a complimentary, no obligation 30 minute coaching session. Download my FREE e-Book, 12 Fun Ways to Change Your Life, or sign up for my FREE monthly newsletter at http://www.thrivingthroughchange.com

Comments Off

Have you been trying to develop ideas for a new product or service? Did you get stuck? Well, List And Twist is a simple technique that might help you out.

The List And Twist technique is one of many that are loosely based on the idea of random stimulation, that is, introducing something unusual to take your train of thought in an entirely different direction.

Here we don’t do anything too radical. Simply think of a product or service that you currently have and apply the words or phrases from the List And Twist checklist and see what they suggest. They may seem strange but they just might jog your memory! For instance I showed the list to someone who was writing a childrens’ book and they were taken by the suggestion of adding a smell! The net result - a scratch and sniff book.

Try it for yourself and see.

Add a step, find other uses, slow down, rearrange the steps, improve the quality, reduce the quality, add motion, add an ingredient, make it easier, change packaging, combine ingredients, align with other product, de-automate parts, make it more extreme, make it more expensive , put some fun in it, substitute materials, find new distribution, change the state, make it self service, combine other processes, change the shape , add more service,
make it a game, put a story with it, celebrity connection, reverse the concept, turn it upside down, purify it, add nostalgia, add smell, add colour, make it transparent

Derek Cheshire is an expert, speaker, consultant and facilitator in the areas of Business Creativity, Innovation and Idea Generation. He is creator of the Innovation Toolkit, and co creator of workshops such as Creating The Difference, Creativity as a Business Tool, Sticky Strategy and The Idea Factory. You can receive regular ideas and updates on Business Creativity and Innovation by visiting http://www.creative4business.co.uk and filling out the simple sign up form.

Comments Off

Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals.

Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:

* I will feel good about my self when I’m making $______(fill in the amount) a year.

* I will feel worthy when I am in a relationship with a (beautiful) (handsome) (wealthy) (loving) (fill in own) person.

* I will feel worthy when I get enough approval from enough people.

* I will feel adequate when I have a baby.

* I will feel adequate when_______( fill in desired outcome that you attach to your sense of worth).

However, there are many people who have all of the above and still do not feel a deep sense of self-esteem. That’s because self-esteem has nothing to do with anything external, such as looks, approval, money, relationships with others, or having a baby.

Self-esteem, or the lack of it, is solely the result of how we treat ourselves. Those people who attend to their own feelings and needs with loving action on their own behalf feel good about themselves, while those people who ignore, invalidate, or judge their own feelings and needs feel badly about themselves.

For example, Anna grew up with parents who were hardworking and very caring about their children, but who didn’t take good care of themselves. Both of her parents smoked, drank too much, and didn’t eat well. Neither of them took responsibility for their own feelings, so both of them were anxious or depressed much of the time. Even though her parents were loving to her, Anna does not take good care of herself, having had no role modeling for personal responsibility, She doesn’t eat well or get enough exercise, doesn’t stand up for herself at home or at work, and doesn’t get enough rest or playtime. She is very attractive, makes lots of money, has a husband and children, yet often feels very insecure.

If you imagine that her feelings and needs are like a child within, you can begin to see why she doesn’t feel good about herself. Treating herself badly will always result in feeling badly. You might be tempted to think that she treats herself badly because she doesn’t feel good about herself, and that’s true, but she will not feel good about herself until she treats herself as a worthwhile person. Her good feelings will come from her loving action toward herself. The more loving action she is willing to take on her own behalf - taking physical, emotional, financial, organizational, relationship, and spiritual responsibility - the better she will feel about herself.

How can Anna be motivated to take loving care of herself when she doesn’t feel good about herself? It seems like a vicious circle, yet there is a way out. Anna doesn’t feel motivated to take care of herself because she thinks that who she is, is her ego, the wounded part of herself whom she doesn’t like. Yet if Anna opens to knowing who she really is - that she beautiful and perfect child of God, that her essence, her true Self is a spark of God, created in the image of God - she will want to take loving care of this wonderful soul within.

When Anna begins to take loving care of herself, her wounded self - the part of herself that has low self-esteem - begins to heal. The more Anna feeds herself well, gets enough exercise and rest, speaks up for herself and tells her truth, takes care of her financial situation, organizes her time and environment, treats others with kindness and compassion, and opens to her spiritual Guidance or Higher Power, the better she will feel about herself. Self-esteem is the result of taking loving action, not the cause of it. Since we all have free will, we each have the choice to take loving action on our own behalf.

It doesn’t matter how badly you were treated as a child, or how badly your parents treated themselves. Your actions need never be governed by your past. If you devote yourself, moment-by-moment, to taking loving action on our own behalf, you will discover that the result is high self-esteem.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

margaret@innerbonding.com

Comments Off